Saturday, December 25, 2010
count your blessings...instead of sheep
Merry Christmas :)
My first Christmas away was succesful, well..it isn't over, but the day almost is. Jonathan and I had a wonderful time opening gifts together last night. christmas eve is our opening- present- time. I got him an ipad, and he got me my kitchenaid mixer i had been saving for...and of course..it was bright yellow :)
We woke up, of course i did before Jonathan..i must have a christmas alarm clock. as soon as it goes "off" i'm up and immediately excited. but it was quiet. there was no mad dash or rush to get to mom's..i just waited for Jonathan to wake up. We ate breakfast. Then skyped with my family, it was a great idea in theory..but it was a little more of a painful tug on my heart than i was expecting. Everyone was caught up in that usually loud, and massive present opening time..and i sat in a quiet living room 420 miles away..watching..feeling very displaced. I almost sobbed...but remembered i wasn't alone.
We had a lovely time with step siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins...etc...none mine of course, well only by marriage. I laughed, i ate, i even cried at different times during the day...but my mind always drifted to somewhere else...somewhere way more familiar...home.
I caught myself looking at the time, and mentally putting myself with my family...''this time on Christmas...we were....putting on our new gifts, clothes, shoes, jewelry..usually coordinating with another sister on what they were wearing..or if we would all wear the typical sister paraphernalia we got every year (of course we all have to wear the t shirts that say 'i love my sis')''...
But this year...i didn't coordinate my outfit..i just wore the outfit i had planned on wearing, i thought about wearing something new...but wanted to wait...
At supper, i caught myself pretending i was home, and someone was teasing my father about eating all my grandmothers cookies before dinner...or finding him asleep somewhere...(I actually looked at my phone later, and sis #6 had sent me a pic of dad asleep)
so hard. sooo very hard.
i definitely enjoyed being with my husbands family. they were very loving and comforting, especially knowing how much i wanted to be home. but still..i'm allowed to miss it.
I take a whole lot of comfort though, knowing...today, back home...was just what i expected..a beautiful chaos opening gifts, the intense yells and the struggle to be heard thanking each other over the noise, the coordinating of the christmas outfits, mom in her crazy christmas pjs, all the sisters..and any guests (there is always someone extra at mom and dad's house) tying ribbons from the gifts, around their heads...silly, crazy, chaotic, loud...beautiful. home.