at last..the story...
so you saw the picture of the freakishly large cricket, mac daddy, king of all crickets..
well, the night before that photo was taken...i geared up for laundry...in my creepy unfinished basement...#putshomealonebasementtoshame
Gearing up, consists of, covering all body parts, making sure no skin is exposed, hair swept back so it doesn't accidentaly graze my neck and i mistake it for cricket attack (this definitely has not happened...or perhaps it has), boots (this is vital), the thicker the better, so that i may stomp as i scream in all directions. lastly, and most importantly, i arm myself with this killer bug spray (pun intended)...now that you know what i look like, here is what i encountered...
I did my usual spray down the stairs, and watch for movement...when i see none, i creep down further and examine all dark spots on the concrete floor, when i am assured that there are no crickets in my vicinity, i quickly dash to the washer and dryer..the whole time i'm sorting, folding, waiting, i am constantly watching behind me for any activity...before dashing back upstairs...sometimes i've dashed too quickly and lost items of clothing to the slats in the stairs..and lets be honest..i am not going under the stairs to retrieve said clothing...that is where the crickets hatch their schemes, and their eggs..ewwwww. i'm sure of it.
anyway, this was my routine monday night, except...as i launched into full sprint back to the stairs...there he stood.....the largest, most disgusting, and i'm sure the most hungry for my jugular cricket...EVER! he was between me and the stairs...what do i do???? where is my bug spray??? i had accidentally left it at the dryer!..i ran back and grabbed and crept back up to the stairs..and it was gone...so i sprayed until i'm sure fumes were at their all time most hazardous level..i saw him! he came to taunt me as i stood on the stairs, so i drenched him some more...he jumped, frightfully fast, into some boxes...i waited...and tried to make sure he was dead...meanwhile, husband was standing at the top of the stairs, looking slightly more concerned than he should, (he's all, they are more afraid of you..yada yada), i could tell he wasn't concerned for the cricket..but more for me...whatevs.
anyway, longest post ev.
i left my house tuesday morning for work, as i was locking the door...there i saw it....OMG he was back! and lets just say, if i hadn't recently emptied my bladder, i would have right THERE!
his antenna's were waiving at me...taunting me...well played cricket...well played.
my husband once said, "babe, you gotta get over this fear of these crickets, this house is your dominion, you are the authority here..i responded, oh i know, i have authority of my house, but the crickets, they can have the basement"
Daddy cricket...is still alive, or his wifey is seeking revenge, either way, it's time to get some stronger bug spray.
Just in case you need refreshing for your memory...i definitely didn't...it's ingrained in my brain...can't escape this memory!